I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My ATM looks so different sober.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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