get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
