Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
