Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
