Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
