I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
