They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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