went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
