I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
