im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
