You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
