Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
