i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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