I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
