I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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