There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
