I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
