Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
