I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
