Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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