You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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