Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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