I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
