i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
