people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
