can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
