My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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