You were right. It hurts to walk today.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
