His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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