I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
