i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
