Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I could fuck to npr.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
