I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
