New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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