we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
