NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
