At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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