walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
