He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
