tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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