She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
