i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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