I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
