so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
