That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
