You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
