Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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