That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
