News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
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