so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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