i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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