Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
